Thursday, December 21, 2006

The Dinner Saboteur

One responsible, dutiful spouse takes great pains in preparing a meal for the small one in the house. This spouse prepares the child as well as the meal, gets everything all arranged just so, and finally, the child in the seat, the meal on the table, a bite proceeding to the mouth, and then, at that moment, the other spouse, the one that shall remain nameless throughout this little piece, suddenly decides to open the freezer and extract an ice cream sandwich. This spouse, the other one, waves that ice cream around and utters exquisite little moans of delight and enjoyment. Does the child notice these enticing sights and sounds? Does the child continue to eat its spaghetti? Would the child actually presume to ask for an ice cream sandwich as well?

The Dinner Saboteur has struck again!

Sunday, December 10, 2006

The BlameFinder

Never let a fact go blameless. Anything that is, has a causer who did it. It's always someone's fault for the BlameFinder. Is the water too cold? Who turned off the heater? Is the water too warm? Who turned it on? Who opened the door? Who closed it? Who turned on the light? Who turned it off?

As soon as there's a hint of anything occurring, the BlameFinder wants to know who might be the one who would do it. The BlameFinder is hunched over and ready to pounce. He is always double-checking. There is no pause button on the BlameFinder. The struggle to nail it down is constant and always in motion.

The BlameFinder does not want to solve any problems. He only wants to report them. Once the source of the trouble has been located and assigned, the Blamer rests easy in the knowledge. Until then, everyone's suspicious.

The BlameFinder sizes you up on contact, deciding the possible events of which you might become the source. You may be the kind who drops a glass and shatters it, or the kind who rearranges napkins. You could be just the one to sample the hors d'ouvre before returning it to the plate. Are you the kind who folds things the wrong way, or the kind who places the toilet paper roll facing the wrong direction? The BlameFinder can tell. He can sense the kind of trouble you'll cause.

Cold eyes are the hallmark of the BlameFinder . Cold eyes and a slight squint on impact. You can almost hear the gavel coming down, followed by the icy stare, the mental note, the black book opening and closing. You! You're the one! Guilty! Guilty! Guilty!

It's enough for the BlameFinder to know. He then moves on. Something else is bound to happen any moment, and when it does, someone needs to disover the culprit and file the claim. You can count on the BlameFinder. It will never be his fault.