Sunday, December 10, 2006

The BlameFinder

Never let a fact go blameless. Anything that is, has a causer who did it. It's always someone's fault for the BlameFinder. Is the water too cold? Who turned off the heater? Is the water too warm? Who turned it on? Who opened the door? Who closed it? Who turned on the light? Who turned it off?

As soon as there's a hint of anything occurring, the BlameFinder wants to know who might be the one who would do it. The BlameFinder is hunched over and ready to pounce. He is always double-checking. There is no pause button on the BlameFinder. The struggle to nail it down is constant and always in motion.

The BlameFinder does not want to solve any problems. He only wants to report them. Once the source of the trouble has been located and assigned, the Blamer rests easy in the knowledge. Until then, everyone's suspicious.

The BlameFinder sizes you up on contact, deciding the possible events of which you might become the source. You may be the kind who drops a glass and shatters it, or the kind who rearranges napkins. You could be just the one to sample the hors d'ouvre before returning it to the plate. Are you the kind who folds things the wrong way, or the kind who places the toilet paper roll facing the wrong direction? The BlameFinder can tell. He can sense the kind of trouble you'll cause.

Cold eyes are the hallmark of the BlameFinder . Cold eyes and a slight squint on impact. You can almost hear the gavel coming down, followed by the icy stare, the mental note, the black book opening and closing. You! You're the one! Guilty! Guilty! Guilty!

It's enough for the BlameFinder to know. He then moves on. Something else is bound to happen any moment, and when it does, someone needs to disover the culprit and file the claim. You can count on the BlameFinder. It will never be his fault.


pint-sized said...

And what happens when the finger is pointed at HIM?
By the way, I very much appreciate that these characters are all men- no nutters on the female side:)

tom l said...

Hmm, I was trying to even out the male and female attributions, but I guess I have not succeeded. In most cases it's arbitrary whether I saw "he, him, ..." or "she, her, ..."

pint-sized said...

sorry, ill read it again with that in mind:)...happy chanuka/merry christmas btw